precious moments

God is watching. Mom may be discharged from the hospital tomorrow.

Mom has not felt well for the past 3 weeks. Her caregiver said she's getting better, but I'm just not sure if I should bring her to the doctor. I have very little clue of what needs to be done for mom. That was Wednesday, and I prayed about it. I felt increasingly unsettled that afternoon and ended up paying mom a quick visit. The right side of her face near the jaw line was severely swollen, to my surprise. I thought, "OK, God, it's a clear enough sign that I should bring her to her PCP." I called the doctor right away for an appointment and brought her there the following day. During our drive to the clinic, mom kept dozing off, and I thought she must be having a bad flu or something. At the PCP's clinic, we found out mom's bp was 60/ 30-ish. I don't know what that means except that I have never heard any one with such low bp. The doctor mentioned something about mom being anemic, which was news to us. I was told to bring mom to the hospital through the ER for blood transfusion. The PCP didn't say anything about mom's swollen jaw because tests need to be done to determine that.

In the ER, mom was treated right away; she didn't have to wait because her bp dropped to 50/30 ish. AFter running some tests, the attending doctor there said mom's very sick and needed to stay in the hospital. The picture became clearer: mom had a bad infection, which could have caused her bp to drop, anemia, and possible bleeding from her inside.

It was a little rough at times, but God's watched over us. During mom's hospital stay, I discovered that mom's alzheimer sometimes didn't affect her as much, especially during the evening. In other words, her mind would be "in" and "out." There were moments of clarity, when mom could recognize me and communicate with me in meaningful ways. In one of those moments, I explained to her where she was and why she was there. I told her that she sometimes would not recognize me because she has alzheimer, and it's OK for her not to remember me but that she should try to remember God and to pray and rejoice always (常常禱告、喜樂，凡事謝恩). (I also said that even if she couldn't remember God, God does not forget her. Well, I think I needed to believe that more than mom does.) Mom showed signs of comprehension by nodding and saying, 感謝神，多謝妳. I read her Psalm 23, prayed with her. Mom had difficulty saying long sentences, though she uttered a couple of short phrases on her own to ask God to help her 常常喜樂, 福杯滿溢. That gave me tremendous joy since I haven't witnessed mom praying on her own for quite a long time. The brief moment of being able to communicate to mom was important to me.

It's a challenge to take care of an alzheimer parent, but when I pray, God will show me what to do. He's still giving me chances to do a better job. Pray that I'll do better to please Him and to bless mom. Amen.

the time may have come

It seems that mom's beginning to not remember me.

Mom,《恩典太美麗》, 張瑪莉

Mom, the caregiver, and I went to attend 張瑪莉《恩典太美麗》見證佈道會 yesterday.

Mom probably wasn't interested in what's going on, if she was at all aware of the program. Well, at least she enjoyed the ride, sitting next to me while I drove. Taking her out makes me feel like I'm doing something for her, and she was happily greeted by my church friends and the wife of my dad's old acquaintance, Rev. Loong. Caregiver liked the sharings by Ms. Cheung and Pastor Benny. I also benefited from Ms Cheung's life testimony that every blessing comes from God, who has turned her from a nobody into a beautiful somebody.

thanking God for 3 things

The devotional passage from March 2, 2011 with the subject heading Hear and Obey is taken from Luke 5:5, "But on the ground of your word, I will lower the nets [again]" (Amplified Bible).

Based on the context of Luke 5, I thought of my own situation. I had attempted a number of things before but stopped trying because they didn't lead to fruition. Among them include: a) taking mom to church on Sunday, b) recruiting new piano students through ad posting, c) applying university teaching job. I believed that God wanted me to take some action. Yet it's not clear to me which of these items I should lower the net again. (I must say that the plural form of "nets" didn't register until today when I reread the passage to write this entry.)

Because it involved very little work--writing a small cheque and updating my information--I immediately called a Christian newspaper and arranged an ad to be posted in the following month. Next, I worked on one job application. It was a lot of work. Back in February, I saw a teaching job opening with requirement and work location matching rather closely to what I can offer. The job opening was reposted in March, shortly after me reading Luke 5:5, and so I decided to apply. I didn't have high hope. I applied because I felt that it's my responsibility to lower the net.

Taking mom to church is the 3rd net to lower, which is an equally daunting task. I wasn't sure at first if that's a net that God wants me to lower again so I didn't act on it. But I heard it clearly through a number of occasions. I heard this verse read during a sermon "If anyone does not provide ... especially for his immediate family, he ... is worse than an unbeliever," 1 Timothy 5:8. That did it. I was convicted. It so happened that the new church plant in San Gabriel has recently rescheduled its worship to 3.30pm. I started to clear my Sunday afternoon schedule, and asked for assistance from mom's caregiver. To make the long story short. Yesterday was a success: I brought mom to church and she sat through the worship service without incidents. Thank God. She didn't remember the Eucharist, not even the Doxology. She held on to the dollar bill which I gave her 30 sec before the offering plate was passed. But she nodded her head when I read her the lyrics of the hymns. Hopefully, she'll remember more when she resumes Sunday worship on a regular basis.

Thank God that the 3 nets have been lowered!

mom's mini project

I'm a bit slow to recognize that mom's memory loss affects her ability to pray, even the Lord's prayer, and to recite bible verses. What I will do is during my future visits I'll have her read Psalm 23 aloud or to have her recite it, phrase by phrase, with me. Mom has some difficulty understanding the terms, 必，躺臥，安歇, but we got verse one memorized and verse two reviewed today.

總之都喺要跟從主

Mom's caretaker told me that one time after mom woke up from her sleep, she said she had an inspiration. (Actually, caretaker said mom often says she has inspirations.) Mom couldn't remember the detail of the inspiration but she said,"總之都喺要跟從主" (I need to follow the Lord.)

Awesome.

感謝

曾經有個小兄弟提醒我過生日可以 say thanks to my parents. 今年早有預備、付諸行動，感謝在我出生的那一天努力的媽咪！

post-c.h.

Since mom moves back home, I continue to be amazed at the outcome of her brief stay at the convalescent home. Both mom and the home aide seem like a different person: mom has become more amenable, appreciative, happy; home aide now takes care of mom with her heart! PTL.

Among all the "before and after" incidents, I'll jot down just a few.

Prior to sending mom to the ch, I asked Emily whether she could extend her work hours to stay overnight with mom, and she replied, "of course I could stay. It just depends how much you will pay me." And she gave her number. After we sent mom to the ch, she said, "if you take you mom back home, I will take care of her with my whole heart. I don't mind if the wage is low. I will quit one of the two side jobs so that I can spend more time with your mom. Please take her home, will you?"

Before the ch. stay, mom would be yelling and kicking when we tried to clean her. Actually, the first day after we took her home, mom was still kicking Emily. But afterwards, according to Emily, mom said, "oh you're a good person, you helped me." Instead of resisting help, mom now thanks Emily when she's helped.

Yesterday I took mom for a doctor's follow-up visit. Unlike my past experience, it was so effortless. Ggetting mom out of the apartment, having her walk to my car, everything became so easy. When we returned to the apartment building, I thought of saying "hello" to the apartment manager and showing her mom's doing well (in the hope of giving the manager some good impression of mom and of scoring points for renewing next year's rental contract). Mom handled herself so well and exchanged some brief conversation with the manager in English. Two thumbs up for mom!

As a close friend who shares some workload like a sister does of caring for mom noted, in the most positive sense, "I don't know what prayers have been prayed, and who said those prayers, the outcome is beyond our imagination. We were expecting things got back to where they were, i.e. square one, but then, things have changed for the better."

life on the fast track

After moving mom to the convalescent home and having observed for a week, my sister and I have agreed that we don't want to leave her there. My life hasn't had that much "excitement" in a long time; almost everyday in the past few days I was greeted with a piece of news that would drive my blood pressure up, with the last piece being her running a temperature of 102 and sent to the ER. I am taking her home today.

emily

I whole-heartedly thank God for Emily, my mom's home aide. (Picture was taken during our visit on the 3rd day of mom's stay at the convalescent home.)

Emily has worked as mom's care giver for 16 months. Together, she and I moved mom to the convalescent home yesterday. She packed mom's stuff, helped coax mom to leave the apartment, and handled mom when I didn't know how. When we left mom at the convalescent home, another friend said emily looked more distraught than I did.

The next day I went to mom's old apartment to take Emily to visit mom. She said the moment she saw me, "恩，I couldn't sleep last night because I worried about your mom. When my friends talked to me on the phone, I didn't feel like talking. I cried this morning as I entered your mom's apartment." I told her that we're still observing. If it's not a good place for mom, I'll take her home. I had her helped pack more stuffs and clothes to bring to mom. Among the things she packed was mom's wallet with some dollar bills in it, because she remembers mom likes to take them out and count them numerous time because mom forgets that she's already counted them in her purse.

Soon after we arrived at the convalescent home, Emily quickly pointed out some new bruises on mom's hands and face. Mom asked us to take her home as soon as she saw us. There's still much work before mom gets used to the new place and feels at ease being taken care of by a brand new group of people, whose faces she doesn't recognize. Good thing is that mom looked comfortable lying in her new bed, and she would sometimes make short conversation with the nurses, asking out of the blue their marital status. We stayed for about two hours and Emily put mom to sleep. We left feeling more relieved than when we first arrived.

Thanks, Emily.

mom's prospective home

Thank God for a smooth day that our home aide was able to get mom ready to visit her prospective convalescent home. I didn't think I could do it alone. After I visited the place about 1 month ago with Kammie, I put mom on its waiting list. Thank God for Karena's suggestion to take mom there to check out the place. I can't thank Karena enough for her continual support and presence during critical & crucial times.

After we arrived, Karena quickly drew mom's attention to the fragrant star jasmines planted in front of the building. Mom didn't seem uneasy there, which was a good sign. There are still questions and uncertainties in my mind; however, I remind myself to take one step at a time, and that God has been faithful to provide what He knows the best for us. Mom's still no.2 on the waiting list, which is OK. We're not in a hurry. God has the best timing.

We took mom to dim sum afterwards. Glad that Monica was able to join us and kept us company. Just for the record: during dim sum, I asked mom, "what do you think about the place that we just went?" Mom replied, "what place?" "Do you remember what we did before we come here for lunch?" "We didn't do anything." End of story.

God is good.

wedding rings

Closing my parents' safe deposit box at a local bank today, I sorted out their stuffs and found these two rings. Their names and the date they got married are marked at the inside of the rings.

As I held and studied them in my hands, I came to the appreciation of the covenant that my parents made and managed to keep. It wasn't easy. At various stages of their marriage life, there were different challenges. I was there most of the time so I know a little bit.

Towards the last decade of his life, dad expressed his wish to go back to China to live and "do something." Well, he had the heart. He also did something already through some short trips. But he wanted to be there long term. He said he didn't care for the monthly monetary benefit received from the U.S. government. But then, mom's not keen on going to China nor the idea of dad going alone. (Both my sister and) I did not want to take care of mom. Thus, dad didn't gain any support from us to fulfill his dream. After his passing, I thought about it and wondered if it would be his regret.

Looking at these rings, I thought perhaps dad's getting a bigger crown for having stayed with mom, honoring their marriage vow than if he had gone off to China and even accomplished something huge for the local churches there.