一晚旅館

My apartment manager has arranged some guy to replace the wall furnace in my unit. I was initially told that the job would take about 2 hours. I went back to my apartment after 3 hours, and found everything dusty and job not finished. Now I'm told another 8 hours (more dust, and more mess) are needed to finish the job. Fortunately, I was able to negotiate with the manager to let me stay in a nearby family-style inn today. It's a hassle to pack and move. The up side is that staying in a serviced room feels like taking a vacation, plus Starbucks is within 200 ft.

Man & woman

If you're forced to choose between two bad things, would you rather feel alone & unloved OR would you rather feel inadequate & disrespected?

In For Women Only, Shaunti Feldhahn shared that more men would rather choose to feel alone & unloved than to be disrepected whereas more women would rather choose to feel inadequate & disrepected than to feel unloved.

Perhaps the idea that "respect must be earned" needs to be revised. Respect men regardless? How would that play out???

What would you rather have, if you only get to pick one?

Money matter

I was trained to tithe as soon as I learned to use money. As a child, if I would be given $1 on Sunday; mom and dad would have me put 10 cents in the offering basket.

A childhood episode that has stayed with me is being laughed at by Dad: I was probably still in elementary school, gladly counting and appreciating "my possession" (i.e. a stack of dollar coins and dimes) one evening at the folding table at home. (There was absolutely no privacy. Our whole family lived in a small unit where everything happened in the center of the 100-200 square ft unit.) Out of the blue, dad laughed and commented that I was like the "rich fool" (Luke 12:13-21) in the Bible. I'm probably the one person who still remembers that.

Another episode happened the summer after my family migrated to the U.S. I worked in a summer program teaching kids mathematics and Chinese. When I got my first pay check (which wasn't a lot), I gave 25% to church. I remembered the "shocked" expression on both the church pastor's and my dad's faces separately. They clearly didn't expect that.

I am not writing it down to boast. On the contrary, I felt bad for being insensitive to my parents. My family's financial situation had never been good and was kind of at a rough spot that particular moment. What I come to appreciate and want to remember is the fact that dad said nothing to discourage my ignorance, and let me do whatever offering amount I felt right. I guess he felt that my giving to God was more important. That was something.

p.s. It's been a year already. It was Jan 26 last year when Dad's aneurysm ruptured, which led to his hospitalization and coma ....

Practising kindness

"Love is a power that moves us to be kind...Kindness is love acting on persons. Such kindness may be soft; it is not weak; tender, but note feeble; senstive, but not fragile."

Lewis Smedes, Love Within Limits, p.12.

What's considered a life well-lived? How to feel good about life at the end of it? For me, perhaps working on my 2008 year resolution is one step towards that direction.

Practising kindness on my students at school - to show more patience and respect to the ones that seem to be asking "stupid" questions all the time, being more understanding that they may be trying to learn. Keep my cool.

Practising kindness on my piano students - to use a softer tone of voice and not get upset when they don't practise. After all, they're still kids.

Practising kindness on the parents of my piano students. A student's grandma in Hong Kong is seriously ill, and the family is scrambling air tickets to fly back asap. Instead of reiterating my policy, I ended up sharing about peace and making exception for last minute lesson cancellation. It would be horrendous if she (a Catholic) finds that a Christian piano teacher expresses no sympathy but thinks only of financial gain. Thank God that I wasn't talking entirely about money.

Things were not rosy, but it's been a good week. If I may express kindness everyday, I think I will feel my life's well-lived by the end of it.

戒口

過往偶爾也會買支紅酒回家﹐ 聖誕期間患感冒三個禮拜﹐ 病後就決定"戒酒"。不過﹐ 如果與朋友相聚出外晚飯就另作別論。

早兩年也曾經戒咖啡--戒買也戒飲﹐ 結果好像也真的沒飲一段長日子。不過﹐最近又飲得很寫意﹐特別當天氣有點寒冷﹐ 在家裡邊開著煖爐﹐邊聞著﹐享受著咖啡﹐放點音樂﹐休閒地寫blog,或讀一本喜歡的書,乃一大樂事。

2008

When I finished my lecture the other day, it's almost 7pm. No real food in the fridge, and I was too tired to buy grocery and cook. I would rather endure the long queue at the drive-through, so I headed to In-N-Out Burger. It took about 20-30 minutes from entering the queue to getting my burger and fries. The cashier was exceptionally kind.

I couldn't pinpoint what it was, the eye contact with a warm smile, or taking the initiative to ask if I wanted tomato ketchup on the side, and watched my response until he saw me nod. It was an unexpectedly pleasant experience. Unexpected because it came from a stranger!

The drive-through encounter generated some thought ripples within me - what a joy it is to be acted upon kindly! I want to do the same to those who I come into contact. Strangers or no strangers.

The last chapter on Smedes' Love Within Limits, which I'm finishing this week, echoes my experience. Here's a simple definition of the agapic love:

"The power that moves us to respond to a neighbor's needs with no expectation of reward. Giving of itself, it asks no return on its investment. It ignores the subtle calculations of human love; it is not interested in the odds of getting some self-satisfaction in return for its efforts. It gives, not in the hope of inspiring the loved one to give in turn, but simply because the other is there and in need."

I drove away from In-N-Out surmising that the cashier might be a Christian, as there was kindness and warmth emitted. What, other than the power of agapic love, would prompt one to extend kindness for no reason?

In the past, my motivation to act kindly was to look good, to be treated kindly in return, and to be morally correct. In other words, I often wanted something back. I feel that I'm less bound by these selfish thoughts and am able to give just for the sake of giving this year.

My 2008 year resolution, therefore, continues to be about love, or, more precisely, kindness. Afterall, love is a topic too large to learn in a year (2007).

As I carried the burger and fries home in a bag, I thanked God for the cashier. I haven't found out if he's a Christian. I only learned from the receipt that his name is Israel.

內部裝修

本blog主小休一陣, 作個人內部重整, 調教, 裝修, 打理。 請稍後再光臨本blog。 唔好意思!

Kids need simple language

My piano student Rebecca was learning the technique to play repeated notes with different fingers. I explained the reason is for efficiency. Then I remembered she's 8 and asked, "Do you know the word 'efficiency'?" She shook her head, and so I said the technique allows us to play the repeated notes faster and better.

Later when we're doing another piano piece, I told her to play with confidence in applying the dynamic markings, like "crescendo," "diminuendo." She knows the Italian terms because I have taught her. But I asked, "Do you understand the word 'confidence'?" Her expression was negative. And so I explained, "Believe in yourself when you play. Believe that you're playing well."

She nodded and understood.

Giving thanks for 2007

As we approach the year 2008 and ask for God's blessings for one another, an email from Melody and Richard full of thanksgiving, reminds me to give due thanks to our Lord for His goodness.

來自哈爾濱的電郵

在桐城逗留時認識的英語學生, 在聖誕節期間﹐ 寄來一些祝福﹐問候。刊登私人電郵本不應該﹐ 但我實在想分享一下我的感受, 為甚麼有一篇 blog I left my heart at Tong Cheng, 為甚麼又會有一category 為桐城﹐ 所以就貿然摘錄兩段來自桐城高中畢業生,現在北方唸大學的電郵,不記名刊登。

...发过去的是我们学校的几幅缩影，有鸟瞰图，有摘取某一角落的涂鸦，虽然不是出自我的手，也算借鉴同学的劳动成果，但还是拿出来分享一下。

有机会来我们学校看一下，或者至少我们大家能再见一面。虽然我也知道这可能性不大，但它毕竟也作为我和我的朋友们寄托的一个美好的心愿吧。既是愿望，这愿望便如同这时刻围绕着我们的空气，看不见，也摸不着，但闭上眼睛还是能依稀感觉得到的。这愿望能不能实现也并非人力所能控制的，但至少把彼此记在心中也是一种极大的快啊！这快乐是回忆赋予，任何物质性的东西都换不来的啊！