In dealing with the new responsibilities after dad's health crisis, I face 3 battlefields (much like the situation with Iraq, Iran, and Syria that the U.S. faces). The first battleground is the medical and non-medical staffs at USC County along with the sub-acute nursing facility, which housed my dad at one time or another. The second battleground is at mom's place. The third battleground is working with my sister. While the staffs, my mom, and my sister are not the enemies, I am under a lot of stress dealing, working, or just being with them. Oftentimes after losing my temper or, should I say, losing control of myself, I feel completely defeated.
I prayed. I prayed for gentleness and self-control. Still, sometimes I am less successful than other times. I prayed for patience, kindness, and goodness; and I even asked friends to pray for me. Yet, I blew it big time in several occasions, including at my mom's place last Sunday. I am getting to the point that I dread and want to avoid the situation. But no. No such luxury. Need to go and face it again. It's almost like a losing battle that I must fight.
When I read Ps. 44 yesterday, the first eight verses captured my attention - it's about victory!
It was not by their sword that they won the land,
nor did their arm bring them victory;
it was your right hand, your arm,
and the light of your face, for you loved them.You are my King and my God,
who decrees victories for Jacob.Through you we push back our enemies;
through your name we trample our foes.I do not trust in my bow,
my sword does not bring me victory;but you give us victory over our enemies,
you put our adversaries to shame.In God we make our boast all day long,
and we will praise your name forever.Psalm 44:3-8 (NIV)
As I read it again this morning, it dawned on me who the enemy is. The enemy is "me," my old self. Not that I would pray viciously against my-self like the Psalmist does in Ps. 69, but I do need to deal with it with all seriousness.
與基督同釘十字架, 或說同死, 在教會中一直成為可望不可即的標語 ... 那麼為什麼同死是這麼困難呢? 因為同死不是人自己所能為力, 我們不能治死自我, 我們只能否定它; 但沒人能否定它,除非....
憑理論來說, 要我們釘死老舊的本性(自我)是很簡單的事, 只要支取「與基督同釘十架」的恩典, 與基督的死聯合就行. 可是事實上, 這支取並不如一般人所想像那麼簡單, 它需要對基督整個的救贖有更深摯的光照和體認!
「治死」並非是怎樣去壓制它, 乃是要怎樣廢除它, 要它死! 至於如何要它死呢? ... 聖靈會使信徒去體認羅馬書6:6和加拉太書5:24 中的事實: 「我們的舊人和他同釘在十字架!」「同釘」的時態是簡單過去式, 指該動作是在過去時間內一次完成, 並且永遠完成了! 我們的舊人並非將要釘十字架, 也非我們能把它釘死, 乃是它已與基督同釘十字架! 當基督在十字架時, 我們的舊人也同時在那兒! ... 這樣, 聖靈會使信徒把自己投入基督的死中...《從靈洗到滿有聖靈》, pp.68-71
I couldn't quite comprehend the idea of "dying" from Dr. Lin's 《從靈洗到滿有聖靈》 & 《國度的真理》couple months ago. Through my recent experience of defeat, however, I begin to understand a little. It's not within one's own power to die with Christ; we can't crucify our selves. I tried with my own strength to control the old self. That didn't work.In Romans 6:6, "For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with." "Was crucified" uses simple past tense, which indicates that the action was completed once and for all in the past. It's not that my old self would soon be crucified, nor that I can crucify it. On the contrary, it was crucified with Christ. When Christ was hanged on the cross two thousand years ago, my old self was there too.
And thus, I shall learn to claim that my old self was crucified on the cross with Jesus and live this claim. Then I shall claim victory.
Will face my 2nd battleground tonight.
No comments:
Post a Comment