precious moments

God is watching. Mom may be discharged from the hospital tomorrow.

Mom has not felt well for the past 3 weeks. Her caregiver said she's getting better, but I'm just not sure if I should bring her to the doctor. I have very little clue of what needs to be done for mom. That was Wednesday, and I prayed about it. I felt increasingly unsettled that afternoon and ended up paying mom a quick visit. The right side of her face near the jaw line was severely swollen, to my surprise. I thought, "OK, God, it's a clear enough sign that I should bring her to her PCP." I called the doctor right away for an appointment and brought her there the following day. During our drive to the clinic, mom kept dozing off, and I thought she must be having a bad flu or something. At the PCP's clinic, we found out mom's bp was 60/ 30-ish. I don't know what that means except that I have never heard any one with such low bp. The doctor mentioned something about mom being anemic, which was news to us. I was told to bring mom to the hospital through the ER for blood transfusion. The PCP didn't say anything about mom's swollen jaw because tests need to be done to determine that.

In the ER, mom was treated right away; she didn't have to wait because her bp dropped to 50/30 ish. AFter running some tests, the attending doctor there said mom's very sick and needed to stay in the hospital. The picture became clearer: mom had a bad infection, which could have caused her bp to drop, anemia, and possible bleeding from her inside.

It was a little rough at times, but God's watched over us. During mom's hospital stay, I discovered that mom's alzheimer sometimes didn't affect her as much, especially during the evening. In other words, her mind would be "in" and "out." There were moments of clarity, when mom could recognize me and communicate with me in meaningful ways. In one of those moments, I explained to her where she was and why she was there. I told her that she sometimes would not recognize me because she has alzheimer, and it's OK for her not to remember me but that she should try to remember God and to pray and rejoice always (常常禱告、喜樂，凡事謝恩). (I also said that even if she couldn't remember God, God does not forget her. Well, I think I needed to believe that more than mom does.) Mom showed signs of comprehension by nodding and saying, 感謝神，多謝妳. I read her Psalm 23, prayed with her. Mom had difficulty saying long sentences, though she uttered a couple of short phrases on her own to ask God to help her 常常喜樂, 福杯滿溢. That gave me tremendous joy since I haven't witnessed mom praying on her own for quite a long time. The brief moment of being able to communicate to mom was important to me.

It's a challenge to take care of an alzheimer parent, but when I pray, God will show me what to do. He's still giving me chances to do a better job. Pray that I'll do better to please Him and to bless mom. Amen.

愛 ...still

"[Love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

Winding down our last study of the Agape series through the passage of 1 Cor 13:4-7, I have learned that the progression of the four verbs (bears, believes, hopes, and endures) in v.7 leads to the idea that love doesn't quit. John MacArthur noted, "It's Jesus, Jesus on a cross, bearing, throwing a mantle over their sin, believing, knowing that out there there were those that would believe, hoping that they would come to Him and enduring in the end while they spit on Him with the words, 'Father forgive them.'"

身邊發生了點事情，令我看到「罪」的destructive power，罪的種子可以小到令人不容易察覺，但罪就是罪，不處理的結果是嚴重的。。。但是原來「愛能遮掩許多的罪」（彼前4：8）。 Love covers a multitude of sins. Love will draw a veil over them. I need this covering, and I would want to provide this covering for others, through love. 為著身邊的事情難過了多天，今早睡夢中聽到幾首詩歌，醒後記得其中一首的音調，上網翻查，原來是「使團」的： 「愛的印記」

從網上讀到一個半新半舊的20世紀愛情天梯故事，是一股清新的affirmation。

感謝

"應當一無掛慮，只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝，將你們所要的告訴神。
神所賜出人意外的平安，必在基督耶穌裡，保守你們的心懷意念。" 腓 4：6－7

為甚麼要帶著感謝的心組禱告、祈求呢？ 就是在每個處境，無論艱難與否，也看到有神的恩典在其中。

"Enter His gates with thanksgiving

And His courts with praise

Give thanks to Him, bless His name.

For the LORD is good;

His lovingkindness is everlasting

And His faithfulness to all generations." ~Psalm 100:4-5 (NASB)

the time may have come

It seems that mom's beginning to not remember me.

Mom,《恩典太美麗》, 張瑪莉

Mom, the caregiver, and I went to attend 張瑪莉《恩典太美麗》見證佈道會 yesterday.

Mom probably wasn't interested in what's going on, if she was at all aware of the program. Well, at least she enjoyed the ride, sitting next to me while I drove. Taking her out makes me feel like I'm doing something for her, and she was happily greeted by my church friends and the wife of my dad's old acquaintance, Rev. Loong. Caregiver liked the sharings by Ms. Cheung and Pastor Benny. I also benefited from Ms Cheung's life testimony that every blessing comes from God, who has turned her from a nobody into a beautiful somebody.

所以

「．．．你們沒有祈求以先，你們所需用的，你們的父早已知道了。

所以，你們禱告要這樣說： 我們在天上的父： 願人都尊你的名為聖　．．．」

太6：8－9

Longing

by

George Herbert

With sick and famish'd eyes,

With doubling knees and weary bones,

To thee my cries,

To thee my groans,

To thee my sighs, my tears ascend:

No end?

My throat, my soul is hoarse;

My heart is wither'd like a ground

Which thou dost curse.

My thoughts turn round,

And make me giddie; Lord, I fall,

Yet call.

From Thee all pitie flows:

Mothers are kinde because Thou art,

And dost dispose

To them a part:

Their infants, them, and they suck Thee

More free.

Bowels of pitie, heare;

Lord of my soul, love of my minde,

Bow down Thine eare;

let not the winde

Scatter my words, and in the same

Thy name.

Look on my sorrows round;

Mark well my furnace. O, what flames,

What heats abound!

What griefs, what shames!

Consider, Lord; Lord, bow Thine eare,

And heare.

Lord Jesu, Thou didst bow

Thy dying head upon the tree;

O, be not now

More dead to me.

Lord, heare. "Shall He that made the eare

Not heare?"

Behold, Thy dust doth stirre;

It moves, it creeps, it aims at Thee;

Witt Thou deferre

To succour me,

Thy pile of dust, wherein each crumme

Sayes, Come?

To Thee help appertains;

Hast THou left all things to their course,

And laid the reins

upon the horse:

Is all lockt? hath a sinner's plea

No key?

Indeed, the world's Thy book,

Where all things have their leaf assign'd'

Yet a meek look

Hath interlin'd"

Thy board is full, yet humble guests

Finde nests.

Thou tarriest, while I die,

And fall to nothing: thou dost reign,

And rule on high,

While I remain

In bitter grief: yet I am stil'd

Thy childe.

Lord, didst Thou heave Thy throne

Not to relieve? how can it be

That Thou art grown

Thus hard to me?

Were sinne alive, good cause there were

To bear:

But now both sinne is dead,

And all Thy promises live and bide;

That wants his head,

These speak and chide,

And in Thy bosome poure my tears,

As theirs.

Lord Jesu, heare my heart,

Which hath been broken now so long,

That ev'ry part

Hath got a tongue:

Thy beggas grow; rid them away

To-day.

My Love, my Sweetnesse, heare:

By these Thy feet, at which my heart

Lies all the yeare,

Pluck out Thy dart,

And heal my troubled breast, which cries,

Which dies.

thanking God for 3 things

The devotional passage from March 2, 2011 with the subject heading Hear and Obey is taken from Luke 5:5, "But on the ground of your word, I will lower the nets [again]" (Amplified Bible).

Based on the context of Luke 5, I thought of my own situation. I had attempted a number of things before but stopped trying because they didn't lead to fruition. Among them include: a) taking mom to church on Sunday, b) recruiting new piano students through ad posting, c) applying university teaching job. I believed that God wanted me to take some action. Yet it's not clear to me which of these items I should lower the net again. (I must say that the plural form of "nets" didn't register until today when I reread the passage to write this entry.)

Because it involved very little work--writing a small cheque and updating my information--I immediately called a Christian newspaper and arranged an ad to be posted in the following month. Next, I worked on one job application. It was a lot of work. Back in February, I saw a teaching job opening with requirement and work location matching rather closely to what I can offer. The job opening was reposted in March, shortly after me reading Luke 5:5, and so I decided to apply. I didn't have high hope. I applied because I felt that it's my responsibility to lower the net.

Taking mom to church is the 3rd net to lower, which is an equally daunting task. I wasn't sure at first if that's a net that God wants me to lower again so I didn't act on it. But I heard it clearly through a number of occasions. I heard this verse read during a sermon "If anyone does not provide ... especially for his immediate family, he ... is worse than an unbeliever," 1 Timothy 5:8. That did it. I was convicted. It so happened that the new church plant in San Gabriel has recently rescheduled its worship to 3.30pm. I started to clear my Sunday afternoon schedule, and asked for assistance from mom's caregiver. To make the long story short. Yesterday was a success: I brought mom to church and she sat through the worship service without incidents. Thank God. She didn't remember the Eucharist, not even the Doxology. She held on to the dollar bill which I gave her 30 sec before the offering plate was passed. But she nodded her head when I read her the lyrics of the hymns. Hopefully, she'll remember more when she resumes Sunday worship on a regular basis.

Thank God that the 3 nets have been lowered!

從 plagiarism 聯想到「奪取神的榮耀」

In the past, I have been a victim and an offender in the act of plagiarism.

The first ever of my experience happened when I was in high school, before even knowing the term or the concept of "plagiarism." Someone I knew said my work (i.e. some guitar chords for a song introduction) was not so good but then ended up using it right in front of my face. Afterwards she was complimented, and she didn't acknowledge the fact that it's not her work. That hurt. It was not about not getting the credit; I felt betrayed.

Now that decades have passed. I am able to look at the incident and to imagine perhaps that person didn't get a lot of praise while growing up, and desperately needed that compliment, like a hungry child stealing food out of desperation.

As I reflected upon my plagiarism that was knowingly or unknowingly committed. One time it was out of desperation. It also brings to mind the numerous time that I have taken the credit that should be due to God. That's plagiarism.

mom's mini project

I'm a bit slow to recognize that mom's memory loss affects her ability to pray, even the Lord's prayer, and to recite bible verses. What I will do is during my future visits I'll have her read Psalm 23 aloud or to have her recite it, phrase by phrase, with me. Mom has some difficulty understanding the terms, 必，躺臥，安歇, but we got verse one memorized and verse two reviewed today.