As Henri Nouwen notes: "praying means to be accepting toward God who is always new, always different. For God is a deeply moved God whose heart is greater than mine.... In prayer, I am constantly on the way, on pilgrimage" (p.69).
Things have not been much easier in the past two weeks. In almost every medical facility that Dad's stayed, we are asked how aggressive we want the use of life-prolonging medical procedures in case of emergency. The social worker at the hospital that Dad stays at present gave us a booklet titled "Hard Choices for Loving People." We try our best to make choices in the best interest of dad, and we pray that God would spare us from making the most difficult decisions.
Dad's just got transferred back into the ICU. This too was our decision. Half-way when the doctor explained to me and my sister what happened, my mind shut down. I didn't even fight to regain control of my mind, assuming that my sister was still functioning & listening.
Now, three hours later, I am about to go work on my lectures. God, please take over.
4 comments:
Dearest big head
Wish you're much okay right now! We keep praying for you and your whole family! Yes, without any stoppage since the day we knew it.
Don't worry too much. The word "under control" came to my mind when I re-read your sharing today.
Go to work peacefully. God bless you and must bless you!
Let Him surprise me.
How bad I want to come to visit your dad...
"It is more serious to lose hope than to sin." ~ John of Karpatho
Thanks, Foon. Please share when you're ready.
ablogaday, I told dad that you wish you could visit him today.
"Hope" is a general word, and it depends on what one means by that.
Will my dad rise again? To what degree will he recover?
- Not sure. Things really didn't point to that on Sunday. But through a hymn, I thought as if God's telling me to "wait upon Him." Yes, still more wait.
Now that I let one particular "outcome" go, I feel more at peace & trust things more in God's hands.
I met the son of Dad's next-bed Armenian patient today. That patient was half sitting up, looking around, looking at dad, and looking at me, and so I thought. When I spoke to the son, I learned that his father was also in a comatose state, because the "looking around" is non-purposeful movement. His dad wasn't responsive to him at all.
There's so much need. One just need to be at the right place to see the need.
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